I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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