You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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