I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
