i wish starbucks made bloody marys
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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