I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
