You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she peed on how many people?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
