I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
