I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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