Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just want to make out with him forever
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize