He disabled his match.com account in front of me
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
