Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
