On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the day after is always just damage control
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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