And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
