things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
