Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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