What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
