Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
