Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you will always have a special place in my vag
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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