Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
