Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
