does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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