Moan for me like Helen Keller
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
