He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
