What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize