the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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