I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
