That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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