taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
