try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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