Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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