your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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