I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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