Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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