porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
