I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
