im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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