I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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