biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
FUCK WHALES
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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