I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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