I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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