I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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