woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We need to get me chipped asap
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
