she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize