Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
