And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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