a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
