Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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