I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
It's just like the Real World with babies
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
