end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
