tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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