I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize