He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
