the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
