some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
