It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
