Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
