She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
