don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
