I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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