you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Plan B is the new Plan A
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
