My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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