You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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