It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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