He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
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