Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
