Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize