So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
