I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
